
Absolutely nothing...



10. If sparks fly when plugging 20 year old Christmas lights into an outlet, go ahead and splurge on new lights.
9. It's way easier (and probably cheaper) to just replace certain decorations than to purchase 10 apple-spice plug ins to cover that electrical/melting plastic smell.
8. Spike that Christmas punch. Face it, nothing is more merry than getting grandma tipsied up.
7. Be certain that nobody is on prescription medicines (that aren't to be mixed with alcohol) before spiking the Christmas punch (doh!).
6. For those of you visiting alcohol free zones- Always keep trial sized bottles in the purse and glove compartment of vehicles.
5. NEVER drink and drive. Besides the obvious, it gives others joy to find you passed out under their tree, spooning the family pet, on Christmas morning.
4. When visiting multiple homes on Christmas day, never say "I've already eaten" or go on and on about how good someone else's stuffing is. Just shuddup and eat like you've never eaten before.
3. Never tell the story about when you first discovered there was no Santa in front of children.
2. Never tell that "When I was stationed in Korea at Christmas time..." story, involving two Korean prostitutes and an angry pimp, in front of children.
Honestly, we love it that you've served and adore hearing about how you came to get those stitches in your head (time and time again), but timing is everything here. ;)
And the number one tip to producing a Merry Christmas...
1. Never tell caroling 3-5 year olds in a Christmas choir to "shut up" then throw them out of the mall.
I guarantee, they will cry, and there's nothing merry about that.
Oh the Senate change is frightful
Their leaders weak and spiteful
And since so many don't seem to know
Socialists blow! Socialists blow! Socialists blow!
It doesn't show signs of stopping
Pelosi's veins are popping
We have reached a new all time low
Socialists blow! Socialists blow! Socialists blow!
Give your security a kiss goodnight
How we'll hate the terrorist's scorn
But with our dollars liberals hold really tight
Laughing all the way (to the bank) they'll be warm
The freedom is slowly dying
Ruled with fearful spineless crying
Better stock your own arms and ammo
Cuz...
Socialists blow! Socialists blow! Socialists blow!
1. The comedic opportunities are going to be almost unlimited for the next 700+ days.
2. You won't have to take your kids to horror movies any more. They can watch Nancy Pelosi on C-SPAN for 10 hours a day.
3. Terrorist are going to be so happy, they will only kill 3/4 of the people they would normally kill.
4. Abortion clinic stocks will go through the roof! As disgusting as this is, the financial implications are guaranteed to make some hell-bound investors very happy.
5. Your taxes will go up, but because the economy is going to go down, you will still end up paying the same amount, because you'll be making less money. See, it all balances out.
6. The rights of many new heretofore unrecognized minorities will now be protected. Soon, EVERYONE will have special rights. Well, except for you white men, but you know how that goes. They are even going to have affirmative action for those odd people with the one blue and one brown eye! And about darned time, too.