Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Welcome to the White House (Ya'll!)

While web surfing I stumbled upon a humorous web site, a parody of the official White House web site, which includes a funny page of "executive fan mail" from a number of unsuspecting web surfers who have been "snookered" into believing that they are corresponding with the actual White House Administration. I thought I'd post some of the "Comments and Suggestions from the American Public" so ya'll can giggle with me.

Both the Internet and the use of information technology to distribute government information are evolving rapidly.

Here are some of your thoughts on this most serious matter.

Most frequently suggested Alternate Whitehouse color:
Pink (Red is a close second.)

Most common request made of the President:
Subject: Birthday Card for Grandmother

Hello! I hope this note finds you doing well.
I read in a magazine once that you send birthday cards to citizens over 75 years of age. My grandmother would love to receive one and I would like information on this. Thanks for your help.

The Clinton fan mail is also available.

Small sample of Clinton fan mail-

Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998From: michael f.Subject: Mr. President
Sir my name is michael f. i live in clarence new york ...i have a our part plan to get you out of this mess .ill give you the first two ideas ...your going to have to change the perception of what men and women think about this ...how you do this by first appealing to men by showing very sexy women in an off the cuff interview saying they see nothing wrong whit this .if you can think of what these men are thinking as they watch these women ..the same thing can be done with women ..show sexy men ..once these people see there on weakness then they can empathize with this .please contact me for the other half of this plan it has to do with hillary and microsoft.

(LMAO...oh the memories!)

Current fan mail:
Date: Tue, 16 Oct 2001From: Hedy S.Subject: War Strategy from Ireland
Dear President Bush: My sister sent this to me, and oddly enough it doesn't seem like such a bad idea! I think that even the PETA people would be willing to sacrifice a few piggies to stop the evil scum! We could call it "farm warfare." What ever works, right?
Everyone in my family is behind you a hundred percent, Mr.Pres. That's saying something, we are all die hard Democrats. We are first and foremost Americans though, and are proud of the way you are leading our country through this nightmare.
Sincerely,Hedy S.
> A friend recently informed me that the UK fought the > Islamic terrorist attacks by burying the criminals with a pig. Apparently> The Islamic belief is that if ones' body is buried with a pig (because> they are considered unclean) their soul will go to hell. > > I did a little research into this subject matter and found it to be true.> This got me thinking. > > If we put a baby pig on every airline flight then all suicide > terrorists would abort their missions as they would not want their souls> to go to hell. >> Apparently Muslims dislike the very site of pigs A LOT! > > They are also adamantly opposed to alcohol, thus we spike their > water supply with a few thousand gallons of moonshine, get them> snookered, and turn the pigs loose.

Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2001From: Robert[...]@[...].pentagon.milSubject: Spanish lessons
Lesson 1 goes to a Taco Bell home page without instruction in Spanish

Date: Wed, 3 Oct 2001 From: Margaret L.Subject: problem with Lesson 1
Lesson 1 is a link to a Taco Bell ad! Is this a joke or is President Bush getting paid by Taco Bell to advertise for them? We need seperation between government and big business. The two are becoming indistiguishable! What a pity.

Date: Wed, 3 Oct 2001 From: Margaret L.Subject: problem with Lesson 1
Okay, it is a joke. As fast as people skim through the internet it is likely that you will be spreading misinformation because it isn't SO obvious that it is a joke. True, I found it hard to believe Bush would want to make Spanish an official alternate language (I don't believe English was ever even made the first official language.) But with him stating that no other relationship the U.S. has is more important than the one we have with Mexico, paired with my new desire to try to not vomit when I hear his voice, see his smirky face, etc... you know, someone might give him the benefit of the doubt and start misinforming their friends about it. Or less informed people like high school students trying to learn about Politics. Yes it is a psuedo-humor to be fooled for a moment, but consider for a moment the simple idea of putting an goofy icon or statement on your cover page so as not to accidentally make Bush look good, and give him credit where credit is obviously not yet do.

Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 From: anonymous@yahoo.comSubject: whitehouse.net ' RACIST '
So here I am reading your Lesson 1 link regrading spanish as the alternative language.
Then the link goes to Taco Bell...
Fine, have your free speech which everyone is entitled as long as you don't mind me spreading the news that you are racist bastards. And please dont print this one to the site because it will only make you even worse.
Yes, America is racist but do you have to join in too!
Tipico Norte Americano!

Date: Thu, 26 Jul 2001 From: Robert H.Subject: Porn at whitehouse.com
You people should be ashamed to use this name for a porn site. It was brought to my attention by my 11 year old daughter. She was rudely forced to view your page while looking up information about the U.S. Government. I understand you probably have registered the site and are allowed to do with it what you will, but really! It's sites like this that blatantly attempt to lure innocents that have the Bible belt conservatives in a uproar. If you are opposed to censorship on the internet, then you should show a little responsibility in keeping children away from your site.
Robert H.

Just for the record, whitehouse.net is not whitehouse.com. There is no pr0n at whitehouse.net. -Bill

Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2001 From: Judy M.Subject: Hackers on your site
To the Webmaster-
The first time I visited your site at http://www.whitehouse.net/ there was red writing over the front page saying "Hackerz were here" and under the Whitehouse photo, in large letters, was rude comments about the President, Americans, etc. When I left the page and came back, the original page was gone, and there was the same page without all that text, but plain government information. I am a North Carolina Webmaster, and the students in this state visit your site as it is linked to LearnNC. I would be APPAULED if my child were to visit your site and see that "Hackerz" information. I think you need to make a sincere effort to fix this problem...who ever thought that it was funny, was WRONG!

Thank you-
The only page I found was http://www.learnnc.com/Lib/WieldWeb.nsf/etrailfull which clearly states that this is a joke. Which word on the hackers page did you object to: suck, dope, or gay? BTW, I think you mean "appalled." -Bill

Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2001 From: Trina S.Subject: no
no I do not agree with her to paint the white house green it has been white for this long so leave the white house white whiite what is she nuts.
--- Trina S.

Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2001From: Ruth T.Subject: Check your page
I think you may want to check the page that says: "Hackers wuz here."It doesn't look appropriate for this site!Ruth T.

Date: Wed, 06 Jun 2001 From: Luis B.Subject: Spanish Lessons Offered in Your Site
Dear Mr. President,
First, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate you and your VP on the election success. I feel GREAT again to be an American Citizen if for no other reason than the honor, integrity and moral stature that you have brought to the White House. THANK YOU!
In line with my perspective anf how I feel, I want to communicate my humble opinion about your site's "free Spanish Lessons".
LESSON 1 takes me directly to advertisnements from Taco Bell. I must tell you that my first instinct was to feel insulted. I felt that you and your administration may be thinking that learning Spanish is equivalent to learning how to place your order at Taco Bell. Therefore, I feel that this approach is inadequate and it invites critisism from those politicians who would love to affect your position negatively. Besides, if I may say so, Taco Bell's food may taste good and it may be attempting to represent Mexican food in goodwill, but it does not pay tribute to authentic Mexican food at all!
LESSON 2 translates word for word directly and is not adequate. It may be the only way a computer can translate, but it is far from effective. The service is ineffective and it can actually get somebody in trouble because of the way it translates. This too, is an invitation for critisism and sarcastic comments about how you play with words also. I hope that my comments make sense and that you will affect the changes. Sincerely, and with great respect, Luis B. (at your service).

Date: Tue, 29 May 2001From: Subject: Real
Are you for real? I got information with the #....Keiko

You mean to tell me that 202-555-1212 is not the White House switchboard? Well that's just disappointing. -Bill

Date: Mon, 30 Apr 2001 From: hnygahSubject: Wake up, American people!
Wake up, American people! DEAR AMERICAN PEOPLE, As people who love peace, we strongly sugguest American people try your best to stop US government from destroy the peace of the world.
????Few weeks ago, US goverment sent war plane to China and bumped our plane down to the sea. We lost one young people. When US invader came to our airfield, we didn't shoot it down. We cherish the peace of the world. But we are not afraid of war to protect our country. We know most people in the world cherish the peace of the world. But US goverment doesn't. PLS think about how many country it has invaded in recent years. How many lifes has been lost because of the invasions! Will this arbitrariness bring good to US people? No other country like it. It's just like relation between people. If a people is welcomed by others, his chance of success is much higher than those who are disrelished. Besides economic problems, it may lead you to war. It has bring wars to you. You don't feel the pain because you don't lose much. But wars between large countries will bring disaster to both country people. As people who love peace, we strongly sugguest US people try your best to stop US government from destroy the peace of the world.

Okay, in case it wasn't clear the whitehouse.net site is not an official US government web site so you can stop the weak attempts to hack the server now. -Bill

Date: 30 Apr 2001 From: "????" Subject: I hate you!
I am only a Chinese.But I can't understand the thing recently hanppend.>From April 1st to now,thogh my English is poor,I can't say the impress,I can only say I HATE YOU!!!

Date: Tue, 20 Mar 2001 19:48:03 -0500From: Joyce K.Subject: "the other white house"
Sir,I just wanted to say that if someone types in just whitehouse.com you will get a very nasty site in my opinion-porn!!! You might want to consider a change in the address for the site since it would be very easy for young children to get to a very sick adult site.

You don't say. -Bill

1 comment:

Dr. Phat Tony said...

That's too funny.