Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Abolition of Man

A book review-yay! Ok so this book has been out there for awhile already but I'm reading it again and it makes even more sense now than when I read it so long ago. Here's a teaser. (Definition added by moi.)


Human nature will be the last part of Nature to surrender to Man. The battle will then be won. But who, precisely, will have won it?
For the power of Man to make himself what he pleases means, as we have seen, the power of some men to make other men what they please. Hitherto the plans of educationalists have achieved very little of what they attempted and indeed, when we read them - how Plato would have every infant "a bastard nursed in a bureau," and Elyot would have the boy see no men before the age of seven and, after that, no women, and how Locke wants children to have leaky shoes and no turn for poetry - we may well thank the beneficent obstinacy of real mothers, real nurses, and (above all) real children for preserving the human race in such sanity as it still possesses. But the man-moulders of the new age will be armed with the powers of an omnicompetent state and an irresistible scientific technique: we shall get at last a race of conditioners who really can cut out all posterity in what shape they please. . .

The Conditioners, then, are to choose what kind of artificial Tao they will, for their own good reasons, produce in the Human race. .

It is not that they are bad men. They are not men at all. Stepping outside the Tao, they have stepped into the void. Nor are their subjects necessarily unhappy men. They are not men at all: they are artifacts. (Artifact: An object produced or shaped by human craft) Man's final conquest has proved to be the abolition of Man.

When all that says "it is good" has been debunked, what says "I want" remains. . The Conditioners, therefore, must come to be motivated simply by their own pleasure. My point is that those who stand outside all judgements of value cannot have any ground for preferring one of their own impulses to another except the emotional strength of that impulse.

At the moment, then, of Man's victory over Nature, we find the whole human race subjected to some individual men, and those individuals subjected to that in themselves which is purely "natural" - to their irrational impulses. Nature, untrammelled by virtues, rules the Conditioners and, through them, all humanity. Man's conquest of Nature turns out, in the moment of its consummation, to be Nature's conquest of Man.


-- C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man, chap. 3, para. 5-10, pp. 72-80, as quoted in The Quotable Lewis, Wayne Martindale & Jerry Root, editors

Saturday, July 30, 2005

10 Tempting Ways to Spend a Date-Free Night

So here I am alone on a Saturday night after hosting a teen slumber party last night. I fell asleep way before anyone else and woke at 4 am with popcorn imbedded into my forehead. Too tired to make, or want to make, any Saturday night plans, I was home to receive a call from a long time girl friend who calls every now and again during the slow moments from work...the same friend who has worked every single weekend, save two a year when she vacations, for the past 10 years. Lets just call her Mindy because that is her name. After stating the obvious fact that she never has time to enjoy Saturday night she said, "Well at least I'm not home alone and dateless on a Saturday night."




I actually really do like occassional "me time" without worrying myself over "a man" or a constant stream of friends to entertain and do not understand how it is that any woman (or man for that matter) sits at home stressing about such a thing. Most reactions to this reply is complete disbelief. This got me to thinking that maybe my opinion on the matter is not the norm so after our call ended I searched the amazing google for answers while shoveling in Chinese take-out. Mmmm spicy Chinese.

Anywho, my search turned up some interesting things that I did not know. The world is full of women who are desperate to be told that they are of value even if they don't have a significant other with which to share the "sacred" Saturday night.

There are all sorts of articles written to help them out and here I will totally shred the first one I came across. Girls out there, I'm here to help. Honest. This BS was written by JC something or another, I forgot exactly, and all we share are initials (free teaser for the Saturday night stalkers out there). At first glance at the title I imagined this was really just 10 worthless masturbation tips that would put even Cosmo to shame but I had to check it out to be sure (for scientifical purposes of course) and boy was I wrong. Nothing but silly loser talk from JC something or another follows-

Curse your dateless weekends no more. The trick to spending a satisfying Saturday night alone is simple: Be your own date, but be the very best date you've ever had. Take charge of treating yourself right! These 10 tips will get you started:

1. Realize that it's his loss that he hasn't found you yet.

This is loser talk. Stop sitting around waiting for him to find you or you to find him and just live your life already.

2. Clean a closet, drawer or file. Never underestimate the power of creating order. External order breeds internal order.

Make no mistake, cleaning on a dateless or otherwise boring Saturday night is pathetic. Pathetic behavior breeds self-loathing.

3. Cook a fabulous meal. Set the table. Light candles. Enjoy your company. Thank your lucky stars that you are not out with a pompous bore.

C'mon. Insulting future mates before you've even even met them is no way to get a date on Saturday night or to feel good about yourself. Throw on some sweats, order out, and thank God for the Chinese for once. Mmm. Spicy Chinese!

4. Work out. Strength begets strength.

It's Saturday night. Really treat yourself! Imagine Brad Pitt working out while finishing off a container of double fudge ice cream. Straight from the container.

5. Paint a room. Transform your home into an oasis. If this project seems too daunting, start small. Buy big, fluffy towels in your favorite color.

Skip painting, refer to number 2, go rent movies starring Brad Pitt, Mel Gibson, or Tom Hanks instead, this is your oasis. Scope out the parking lot while there for a live one if you must. Ya never know, I suppose!

6. Take a candlelight bubble bath. Drink champagne while you're doing it. Pink lemonade will do, as long as you drink it from elegant stemware.

Who doesn't love a candlelight bubble bath? But if you're going to do it, do it right. Skip the champagne, chill a bottle of red wine, drink straight from the bottle while soaking. Pink lemonade? Can't help you there.

7. Sign up for a class -- make sure it's fascinating. Knowledge is a wonderful thing.

Even thinking of "signing up for a class" on a Saturday night is pathetic. That's Monday-Thursday talk.

8. Rent a classic movie. Make popcorn. Watch the movie in the dark and pretend you're in a real movie theatre, minus the person with the really big hair sitting directly in front of you.

Ok, the whole pretend you are in a theatre is not only pathetic but disturbing as well. Geez why not just pretend you have a date? Better yet, watch the Brad Pitt movie (does it really matter which one?), pretend he is sitting beside you if you must pretend anything at all. This will be easier if you've properly scoped out the parking lot and landed a warm body to sit beside, this is the only difference between you and those with significant others and/or a date. Don't tell me you can't imagine Brad Pitt on your couch. I know you can!

9. Light candles, listen to beautiful music, read a great book. Maybe it's time for War and Peace.

Take advice listed in number 6, the candles will have already burned down and your neighbors will be thinking war not peace at the sound of your post-wine dance tunes through walls. Yay! Work out! You won't feel a thing.

10. Don't project. You will only be dateless for the rest of your life if you think you will be. Instead, live in the moment and start with this one. A series of positive moments add up to a great life, man or no man.

"Instead, live in the moment and start with this one" is the only thing I can agree with here and find myself wishing for the sake of every woman who may have followed the advice above that this had been a worthless list of masturbation techniques after all, there's not much more pathetic than all this loser talk.

Oooo, See ya'll tomorrow. Brad's calling, gotta run! heh

You Know You Have Been In Iraq Too Long When.....

When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"

When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus

Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better

You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet

You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress

The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true)

You take the time to add your lines to this list

You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes

You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks

Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you

You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds

When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times

When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away

When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf

Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other up

When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog

When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over

You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City

You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Haji mart

You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back

Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone

Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding?

You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad

You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country

You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah

You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah

You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy.

You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it.

You only notice the stench of Haji funk when it's not there

You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural

You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides

The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket

You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.

When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"

You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)

When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."

When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.

While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.

When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.

When 12 hours is a short work day

You go Battle Captains!

When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs
within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.

When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary

When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times

When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting

When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant

When you end every phone conversation with "Out"

When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"

When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times

When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar

When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel

When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service

You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer

You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed

You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt

You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire

You decide for that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper

You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)

The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades

When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...

You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's

You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable

You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves

You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake

You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite sex

A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine

You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation

Lots of funny over at The Strategy Page

Friday, July 29, 2005

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Funny from
God and Science Dot Org

Monday, July 25, 2005

Meaningless But Funny Quizzes

The George W. Bush Loyalty Quiz

10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to President Bush.

My test results-

Your score is 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a True Believer
in President Bush. Your loyalty and devotion to him is matched only by your desire to see his liberal detractors locked away and declared enemy combatants. If all Americans thought as you did, and were it constitutionally viable, George W. Bush would be president for life.

The Republican Loyalty Quiz

10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to the GOP

My test results-

Your score is 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a pure, unabashed, die-hard Republican loyalist You remain fiercely dedicated to fighting the twin evils of terrorism and liberalism, and you'd walk across a field of land mines if it meant casting a deciding vote for a Republican president. In your view, there is no higher form of patriotism than defending America against the Democratic Party and every elitist, French-loving, religion-mocking, America-hating, terrorist-appeasing ideal for which it stands.

Yay! Perfect scores all around!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

What, Exactly, Are The DNC's Values?

Now I think we all know what values are but for argument's sake the definition is- something (as a principle or quality) that is intrinsically valuable or desirable.

It isn't really that hard to figure out what Republican and Conservative values are because they are traditional values. Since the definition of traditional is- an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) in addition to the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction AND the cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions, I think it's pretty safe to say that we are all well versed in exactly what type of values the RNC and Conservatives speak of when using the phrase traditional values.

Using the the word "traditional", an adjective, clearly defines what type of values they deem valuable and desirable. Though we are a diverse group of individuals from all different walks of life (differing in various opinions and personal beliefs), I think most of us can agree on the most basic traditional values or at the very least these values don't make us want to puke. Which is good. But more importantly, we at least know exactly what type of values our party stands for and can clearly define them for ourselves as well as others.

While researching the DNC's official website in an attempt to answer the simple question "What, exactly, are Democratic and Liberal values?" I discovered that this simple question doesn't have a simple answer at all. My attempt to answer this question was completely unsuccessful but I did learn two things.

First, although we hear the word "values" spilling out of the collective rectum of the left quite often, they are extremely elusive about defining the type of values they espouse.

Perhaps they are merely clean out of adjectives. In the tradition of charity, as is the tradition of my culture, I'll be passing round a collection plate in the comments section for any who would like to donate adjectives to the DNC so that they might be better able to define their values. Now ya'll dig down deep and give plenty! ;)

Second, I learned that this adjectiveless band of lefties are coming after my home state of North Carolina. Uh-huh ya read that right, folks. They're coming after us! I'm not really sure what to make of it all just yet as this has only just now come to my attention but I'll bet ya'll are thinking exactly what I'm thinking right now...INFILTRATION!

Sure this idea is only half-baked and I'm not even sure why I would want to infiltrate the DNC but it is the most obvious first thought that comes to mind upon discovering the loons are attempting to take one's state by storm. I really like the word infiltration too. If nothing else, infiltrating the DNC would give me an excuse to use that word quite often when reporting events here on my not so brand spankin' new but still shiny blog. Or maybe I should just pretend to infiltrate and totally make stuff up to report on the DNC's progress in North Carolina. heh

I ask you, my fellow bloggers and faithful readers (though few you may be) who make up in honor (and funny, can't forget the funny!) what you lack in numbers, what do you think?

Can I wreak any havoc by infiltrating the DNC? Is there any chance of gaining any valuable information at all by infiltrating the DNC? If all we've to gain are some laughs (maybe some funny photos too lol), will it still be worth the trouble? When imagining how I might manage to fit in with the wacky minions of the DNC, why does a hat and sun glasses keep coming to mind? And black sluethy tights as well. Hooray for black sleuthy tights! This alone should make it all worth my time but what might happen if I accidentally jump up alluvasudden like and yell "Karl Rove Rocks!!!" These things do happen, there is much to consider.

Please, share your thoughts, comments, and infiltration tips. And don't forget about that donation plate!

The Uber-Conservative here-signing off to dream in la la land of providing adjectives for the adjectiveless and changing the needy liberal at a time.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Sh*t Happens!

(That sh*t's for you, Doc)

Due to a personal emergency, (internet service being out is an emergency, right?) I have been unable to partake in blogging as of late. I've changed from cable to DSL now, (take THAT Warner!) and hopefully no more sh*t will happen for awhile, at least to my internet service.

Thanks to all who continued to visit during my unexplained disappearance.

With no access to news for a couple of weeks, not even MSM, the choices today are-

A) Cat Blogging


B) Blogging about some interesting things that I learned during the time without cable television and internet access.

I think the choice here is pretty obvious.

Hooray for cat blogging!

My four year old cat, named Sugars because she is solid white and likes kisses (aka sugars), finally gave birth (for the very first time) almost two weeks ago to two very adorable white kittens. One solid white female and one white male with a tiny black spot on top of his cute wittle head. Methinks my solid black cat, Loki, undoubtedly left his sig on the entire situation there. (Give him a break, he's a one year young novice.)

Ok, ok. Just kidding! Enough with the cat blogging.

Top Ten Things I Learned While Without Cable TV and Internet

10. A cat can give birth to one kitten one day, give birth to another 48 hours later and actually survive the ordeal. (Also, yelling "Push! Push!" at a cat during the birthing process only makes them yawn and reply with "meow?")

9. My personal life possibly revolves around my cats a little too much.

8. My neighbors are upper-middle class rednecks, I like them. (Except the crazy tree people who made things up and called the Health Dept. on me repeatedly soon after I first moved in a year ago for no apparent reason other than being crazy and growing fruit trees for a living with whom I have retaliated against by telling the entire neighborhood what the Health Dept. inspector told me even though who called the complaint in was supposed to remain confidential because he was ticked about having to drive out here 3 times in two days for no sane reason in addition to calling them "the crazy tree people" every single time I refer to them, even especially when they are within ear shot. heh Crazy fruit tree people....ggrrr! Never trust them!)

7. Everyone in my neighborhood turns off all their lights not answering their doors, obviously in bed by 7pm, and none have internet access in their homes anyhow (that they will admit to me!).

6. The little sign on the AC pump outside my home that says something like "Check to be sure there are no other power sources blah blah even if you've shut off breaker before touching wires yadda yadda" literally means just don't touch the wires at all. Ever. Doing so anyhow is definitely not a good idea. And especially not in the rain.

5. Picking black berries at midnight by the light of the moon (read by light of a cigarette lighter) for a cobbler sounds like way more of an adventure than it actually really is.

4. It is possible to perform donuts in a muddy field on a riding lawn mower but only if you go at it in 6th gear. From atop a steep hill. No braking on the way down. If you do not have a muddy field your back yard can be turned into one after a good rain and only a few attempts at doing donuts at high speeds on a riding lawn mower from atop a steep hill.

3. Murray makes the crappiest riding lawn mower in existence, but substituting as a cheap imitation of a 4-wheeler, it will show its true worth. Even if it is torn all to hell in one singular but gloriously muddy day and your grass has grown to your knees over the following mowerless weeks you will not be sorry for this one. Especially if you've much experience in ownership of the Murray riding lawn mower.

2. Whoever it was that said that none of life's problems seem as big while sitting on a log in the middle of the woods obviously doesn't know that bees like to create hives inside old logs in addition to red ants. They obviously don't have allergies either.

1. If you purposely (even if subconsciously) have dinner at a late evening hour in order to watch Bill O'Reilly's no spin Factor while you eat and your heart literally aches for him while choking down a filet mingnon and staring at the blank TV screen when your cable is temporarily out...ya might have a problem and need to consider professional help. Like getting Direct TV instead of cable TV!

Extra Credit- I really, and I mean really, missed you guys! On the edge of my log wondering things like, how danged funny were the last two IMAO podcasts? Is Doc Phat Tony in jail for creating slander about his local weather man in the maniacal Ban the Dan plan yet? Has The Conservative UAW Guy eaten old blue cheese gone bad and croaked? Was Damian G. of Conservathink nominated for Supreme Court Justice or was it some other conservative who will interpret the constitution in a way that doesn't make me want to puke and at least makes me laugh by causing liberals to cry? How will I survive the anxiousness of having to wait even one more day to get back online and link up to the refreshingly blunt and informative Tyler D. of 45-Caliber Justice?

The Uber-Conservative back in link-whoring action here- signing off and stepping out into the blogosphere in search of answers to all of life's questions. Yay!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Doonesbury- Total Wanton Link-Whoring

Doonesbury takes a swipe at bloggers. Now we all know that right-wing bloggers are all-knowing and all-powerful so I'm left to assume that the reasoning behind this taking a swipe at bloggers is clever in design and for the purpose of guessed it....linkage! Assuming that Doonesbury's Garry Trudeau is not a simpleton, that is.

Garry Trudeau is a total wanton link-whore. Yep, you read that right, that's what I said, wanton link-whore. He may be a liberal foo but he's obviously not as stupid as most. I smell Capitalism in its most basic form. Mmmmm.

Ahem. Moving on.

Mr. Trudeau hopes we'll all go and check out the "swipe", link up to him through our "silly little blogs", (between railing about real jobs while nibbling Purina Cat Chow that is) and word of his insult to the entire blogosphere will hopefully spread like wildfire resulting in a link-fest that will be a spectacular sight to behold because he will be getting linked by real bloggers instead of mere drones - the usual suspects who line up, slobbering all over themselves with glee, to link to him routinely.

Perhaps Mr. Trudeau does make some smart moves in the execution of his maniacal scheme of using that which he most fears to elevate his own status but in his insatiable lust for linkage he's made the mistake of overstepping his boundaries and gone too far. Doesn't he know that other liberal weiners like himself are blogging as well?

Then again, maybe he realizes their utter and complete insignificance.

Just for the record most bloggers are not semi-employed but schmoozing and blogging from work. And personally, I've 7 cats. There's not been a spare piece of kitty chow in my home since 1995. Furthermore, I've never purposely eaten kitty chow in my life!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Ten Fun Ways To Celebrate The Fourth Of July!

10. Go see War of the Worlds and wonder just how much of the plot Tom Cruise believes to be reality. Stand outside the theater afterward and try to convert movie goers to The Church of Scientology by offering them free lie detector tests and lifetime supplies of fresh Mafia-like quotes.

9. Go see Bewitched and wonder what the heck the writers were on. Focus on Nicole Kidman’s bewitching nose wiggle (it’s the best thing about the movie). Stand outside the theater afterward and try to convert movie goers to the religion of Wicca by offering them free scented candles and lifetime supplies of bat sh*t for insta-spells.

8. Read The Declaration of Independence. In the street in front of your home from atop a trash can or the hood of your vehicle.

7. Position multiple United States flags about your yard and vehicle to honor America. And to irritate liberal neighbors.

6. Put a speaker in an open window, play and sing along with patriotic songs at the top of your lungs. While hanging multiple U.S. flags about your yard and vehicle to honor America. And irritate liberal neighbors.

5. Throw a BBQ and get everyone a little toasted. Convince guests that your liberal neighbors would appreciate it if everyone would break into military cadence every time they look out the window or step outside as this is their customary tradition in celebrating the 4th of July.

4. Purchase your own legal fireworks to entertain the entire neighborhood. And irritate liberal neighbors.

3. Drive far to purchase illegal...oops I mean undocumented... fireworks to assist you in #4. (I don't condone this behavior and don't know you if you are caught.)

2. Set fireworks off in liberal neighbor’s yard then run into your house and turn off all the lights. (I don't condone this behavior and don't know you if you are caught.)

1. Fun combinations of all of the above!