Friday, April 21, 2006

I'm Alive!

Ok, just barely.

The past two years I've made the mistake of fooling around until late spring to even start any outdoor projects here in uber-land (otherwise known as hell, here lately) and every year I'm out there in June, still at it but not accomplishing much, ready to pass out from heat exhaustion. This year I decided to do things a little different since it would seem that I can only take the heat in spring and fall.
So, I participated in the standardized test thing, even though it's only a suggestion that you have someone else test your child and not a requirement at all, some actually care what the state suggests (just not me). The rest of the month of March was spent with children of various ages playing Q&A...

"What would happen if you ate a suppository?"

You didn't eat a suppository, did you?!


Oh, ok. Not sure exactly, nothing good. Never eat a suppository.

"What is a suppository anyhow?"

Ask your grandma or grandpa.

"Where do babies come from?"


"I know that, but how do they get in there?"

Uh, God.

"But, how do they get out then?"

Ask your mom and dad.

"But I already asked you."

Break time! Who wants ice cream? Yay!

Ah, kids. Gotta love 'em.

After the inquisition I did a few things around the property like clear another half acre, mow two and a half acres (twice), plant 3 Japanese maples, two rhododendron, one unidentified flowering tree (see photo below to help identify) an innumerable amount of flowers and took several long nature walks through the wooded areas of the property in search of rare plants and trees to transplant & attract certain wildlife. Hooray! Translated, all that means briars kicked my ass, I broke another mower, fell into a hole while laughing at the uber-teen (attempting manual labor for the first time in her entire life), got lost in the woods and slid down a mountain of wet leafy forest goo (head first).

I now know why all the country folk get up at dawn and are in bed before dusk. It's like being two all over again and falling asleep with your face in your dinner. I have a new respect for these individuals but I'm totally looking forward to staying up until all hours and sleeping in again, beginning each day with lip gloss and a curling iron, ending it with a nice bubble bath and scented lotions (which makes one a creepy bug magnet outdoors) with plenty of blogging in between instead of waking to an alarm and aching muscles and going to sleep to the sound of my own sobbing.

There goes my dream of farming for a living, dang. Ah well.

My new goal in life is to never sweat again, at least not without an AC blowing at me from all directions. I've a new plan to get things done around here without paying someone an ungodly amount of money to do it for me. It's so brilliant that the word maniacal comes to mind. The downed trees waiting to be sawed into logs? Plan A- Buy a friend that chainsaw he's been wanting for his birthday. Plan B- Ask to borrow it soon after, wearing daisy dukes and batting eyelashes. Plan C- Put an add in the paper that goes something like "Free wood, you saw and haul. Contact me at"



Here's the photo of the unidentified tree which grows wild in North Carolina. Bonus points for anyone able to identify this tree (I've searched high and low to no avail).

p.s. Thanks to everyone who keeps stopping by, I really missed you guys! It's great to be back. Think I'll take a nap now. ;)

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