Sunday, July 03, 2005

Ten Fun Ways To Celebrate The Fourth Of July!

10. Go see War of the Worlds and wonder just how much of the plot Tom Cruise believes to be reality. Stand outside the theater afterward and try to convert movie goers to The Church of Scientology by offering them free lie detector tests and lifetime supplies of fresh Mafia-like quotes.

9. Go see Bewitched and wonder what the heck the writers were on. Focus on Nicole Kidman’s bewitching nose wiggle (it’s the best thing about the movie). Stand outside the theater afterward and try to convert movie goers to the religion of Wicca by offering them free scented candles and lifetime supplies of bat sh*t for insta-spells.

8. Read The Declaration of Independence. In the street in front of your home from atop a trash can or the hood of your vehicle.

7. Position multiple United States flags about your yard and vehicle to honor America. And to irritate liberal neighbors.

6. Put a speaker in an open window, play and sing along with patriotic songs at the top of your lungs. While hanging multiple U.S. flags about your yard and vehicle to honor America. And irritate liberal neighbors.

5. Throw a BBQ and get everyone a little toasted. Convince guests that your liberal neighbors would appreciate it if everyone would break into military cadence every time they look out the window or step outside as this is their customary tradition in celebrating the 4th of July.

4. Purchase your own legal fireworks to entertain the entire neighborhood. And irritate liberal neighbors.

3. Drive far to purchase illegal...oops I mean undocumented... fireworks to assist you in #4. (I don't condone this behavior and don't know you if you are caught.)

2. Set fireworks off in liberal neighbor’s yard then run into your house and turn off all the lights. (I don't condone this behavior and don't know you if you are caught.)

1. Fun combinations of all of the above!

7 comments:

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Great ideas, Uber!
I've done some, but cannot tell you which ones until the statute of limitations runs our.
In Ohio, you can buy fireworks if you promise not to set them of in Ohio!
Weird, but I'll take it.

Hey, I'd like to link you, what do you want the link to say? PJ Max, Uber?

Let me know.

Regards,

jimmyb/CUG

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

3 things.

1 - You are linked on my sidebar.

2 - You are linked in a post by me, as well. Memories...

3 - Thanks for linking me. You spelled "Conservative" wrong in my link, FYI. ;)

Keep up the great blogging!

Uber said...

Sorry about the misspelling jimmyb, fixed. Much as I'd like to blame it on my testing of number 5's getting a little toasted, truthfully that was just a plain ole boring typo. *g*

Damian G. said...

Why stop at launching undocumented fireworks in liberals' yards?
Why not place them in their living rooms?
(((^_^)))

Dr. Phat Tony said...

I have always like the ever so patriotic "flaming bag of pooh" on porches. Ring doorbell, hilarity ensues.

Uber said...

Oooo I forgot the patriotic flaming bag of poo! Ah well, I had every one of my interests fulfilled all in one night last night, I can't complain.

Hope ya'll all had one booming, fast, shiny, sparkly, pretty, interesting, didn't make you want to puke or go to sleep, laugh happy Independence Day, too!

BTW, anyone know how to turn a short video into an mp3 sound file?

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Thanks, Uber.
No offense taken. Typos happen (to me all the time!!!).
Hope your 4th was great!