Tuesday, November 08, 2005

How Little Johnny Cougar Got Famous

No, not that Johnny Couger, this Johnny Cougar.

In a little commentary titled "Gandhi is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker", the OpinionJournal's Best of the Web has me giggling this morning.

"Over at DemocraticUnderground.com (warning: message title is both profane and obscene), one "JohnnyCougar" outlines his ambitions once he joins the real world:

Sometimes I just get so mad that my country is committing mass murder. What power have I to stop it?

I am going to start reading up on Ghandi [sic]. This is the breaking point. I have to do something drastic, like go on a hunger strike chained to a light pole next to the NBC building in Chicago. But it's starting to get cold and I have my thesis to work on and classes to finish up this semester.

When I graduate in May, if we are still at war, I will honestly be about doing this. I can go for weeks on a diet of a handful of rice per day. If it's Summer, I won't die of cold, either. I wish I had done this this last Summer.

Maybe I can get 20 or so people to do this with me. Maybe we can lie on the street covered with cow blood for weeks at a time and say we are calling attention to the murders of our own troops and Iraqi civilians. And only until the war has ended will we feel good enough to eat again. I could surround myself with pictures of dead soldiers and Iraqis. Do you think it would work?

Do you think the Chicago police would arrest me and take me in? Would you be willing to join me in May?

We thought about making some wisecrack, but it's not nice to make fun of the Gandhi-capped."

My God, Johnny, how many innocent cows must die in your scheme of self-promotion? Only adding to the humor, I scrolled to see this reply to the aspiring martyr of convenience.

ArkDem (1000+ posts) Mon Nov-07-05 04:07 PM
Response to Original message
10. If it was really important to you you would already be doing it.
I've been chained to a table inside a local Baskin-Robbins for a month. I'm getting by ok and they are letting me use their wireless network and an outlet to recharge my notebook batteries. Other than gaining about 10 pounds I am still healthy.

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