Thursday, February 09, 2006

Valentine's Gone Wrong- That One Time I Asked a Chick Out

I thought it might prove amusing to share an example of a Valentine's gone terribly wrong to balance all the mushy tips found below (and soon to be above as well as we are having the whole "countdown") and to show that women (at least this one) mess things up too.

I'm also in a terrific mood having just got paid (a whole lot more than expected) and have been dancing around with and singing "Toniiight...I celebraaaate my looove fooor youuuu..." to a check and am taking some down time in celebration. So, it's either blog or watch TV. Funny- The uber-teen was also all up in my personal space batting lashes saying "I suddenly feel so affectionate towards you..." which is code for "Buy me stuff!" so I'll probably become a mall dweller over the weekend and miss out on some of the blogging. Yay shopping! Hey, I'll bet she lets me dance in Hot Topic this time...popular teen shop for the blissfully ignorant. ;)

Anyhow, Valentine's gone wrong.

At age 21 I was working in a factory (distribution) and striving to climb to the top as fast as humanly possible because I was a single mom in need of a good salary, paid vacation, and health benefits. I'd given up working in an art gallery and working in a factory turned out be quite a lot of fun, to my surprise. I was sent to work in every single department in order to gain working knowledge to make up for what I lacked in managerial experience and age. By far the most interesting department I worked was the shipping dock, where I made some of the best friends I've ever had, as obnoxious as they were (and still are). Not only did I learn some new variations of cursing but these guys (who were more than a little rough around the edges) supported my efforts in a way that made a romantic Valentine's look like child's play. I worked through nearly all of my breaks and lunches trying to keep up with them and still they all pitched in at the end of the night to help finish loading my truck with zero complaint. I practically crawled to my car at the end of each shift feeling pretty crummy and guilty, my only comfort the fact that I knew I'd only be gracing their department (and causing them extra work) for a short period of time.

Shortly after I left their dept. they had a t-shirt with the word "Stupidvisor" printed across the chest made specially for me and I wore it with pride and continued to take all my breaks and lunches with them instead of the other "stupidvisors". I eventually found that I had 12 grown/much older men providing romantic advice, butting into and running my personal life on a daily basis.

Having somewhat of a crush on a 1st shift supervisor I saw leaving each day as I was just beginning my own shift and Valentine's day coming up, they advised me to just ask him out after much debate about whether or not he was "too damn skinny" and "not good enough for me anyhow". I was assured he was single and likely just not assertive enough to ask me out. Now, I don't know how other women handle this but I had certainly never asked a man out (guys I grew up with don't count) so I decided to show up early for work and put a note on his truck, asking him to reply by putting a note on his truck in return the following day. They helped me with my note and even pointed out his vehicle.

I ran all the way inside and sat around in giggly anticipation with 12 fully grown burly country men. It's a notion that I cannot completely describe as completely true as it is. The next day I plucked the note he'd left for me on his truck and ran inside to the break room to share the special moment. I was all scared too. What if he said...*insert all of those silly things we all imagine when laying it all on the line like that*. So there we all were, gathered around my reply when they all literally fell down laughing. I think someone actually peed themselves.

The note said:

"I'm sorry, I'd go out with you if it were possible but it's just not possible. It's not that I don't think you're pretty and I'll bet you're really nice and fun to hang out with too but I'm just not gay. I mean, if I were gay, I'd totally want to go out with you but I really just like men. I hope you find someone...I have this friend I could set you up with...blah...blah...blah"

Those &#%s pointed me toward the wrong truck and then ridiculed me for weeks, pointing out different women and giving me the thumbs up sign when too far to be ridiculed verbally. They swore it was an accident and I suppose it could have been. I couldn't exactly leave another note explaining the situation because it would have just looked like I was making excuses after coming out of my closet long enough to be turned down. And you know that epiphany won another round of laughter. I didn't know who the chick was and didn't want to know. She seemed awfully sweet and I could only hope she'd keep the tale to herself. I never did ask the man in question out either, having had enough of all that note/asking out business. That turned out to be a good thing because I later discovered they also got his marital status wrong which also helped me to realize that he was really too skinny after all. haha

Lesson learned? Never ask someone of the same sex out for a little Valentine's romance if you're straight. Or maybe it's never allow 12 grown men with an evil sense of humor to direct your love life? In any case, anyone feeling the Valentine blues this year should know we've all been there. Or worse.

This too, shall pass. :)

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