Saturday, December 03, 2005

The Eeeevil Conservative Gypsy...

...has some asinine answers to your not nearly as asinine as I thought they would be questions!

(Hey, where do so many of you get off being so busy on a Friday anyhow?)

No matter, being of the female persuasion I've easily managed to turn just a few questions into one really looong Q&A. So HA!

Insolublog asks-

Uber and Loki,

I was born in the Chinese year of the snake. Recently, NZ Bear put me back into the slithering reptile category. My blog keeps getting hot-linked Google hits for this image. Is there a sign here?

Yes, but the snake symbolism is usually always good unless in dreams, in which case I will totally need all juicy details in order to expound upon it any further. Otherwise, considering the fact that you've not posted since Thanksgiving yet remain strong in the same category as others (like me) who have been posting non-stop, don't panic! Quality trumps quantity every single time (well, unless you're getting nothing at all, anyhow). Anywho, no worries. Snakes are like weebles (they weeble and they wobble but they won't fall down) and we'd probably all hate you for that except snakes are just so damn charming and likeable as well champions of their game. heh


All signs point to just post stuff for us to read already, will ya!

Wyatt Earpy asks-

Uber - I keep flirting with the female readers of my blog, and it's getting me nowhere. Does it have to do with my troll-like appearance, my Michael Moore-like obesity, or my painfully unfunny writing?

First of all, they all love ya, Wyatt. Otherwise, they'd just curse you, run away and hide, or all three. Not running away, hiding, or cursing you is always a good sign. Second, studies show that women not only enjoy a good game of "flirt" but instigate the game 2/3 of the time. You guys just don't know it because we are so subtle about it.

Like this,
and this

to convey subtle messages like...

I imagine it would be impossible to get this vibe via blog flirts so you'll just have to trust me here. Somewhere someone is sitting behind their monitor winking, giggling, laughing, and batting eyelashes as a direct result of that special uber-charm that only you ooze. ;)

We can only hope that their blinds are closed.

Insolublog asks s'more-


Has Uber ever oppressed you with her evil conservative racist stance on affirmative action? Have you ever had to file a Justice department complaint, or call FEMA, because she arrived too late to clean your litterbox?

What litterbox?! I haven't seen that litter box in months! If I don't curl up at her feet, in her lap, or somewhere that she can "see" me, I'm promptly thrown right back outside. It's been like this ever since "Sugars" was impregnated and produced yet another vanilla rat that spits and meows (and of course I was blamed for that whole mess). Sure she'll say I'm put out because I might "spray" that spray that "smells worse than hippy breath on massive steroids" and has just been "hesitant" to have my "fuzzy dice" lopped off but we know the real deal now, don't we.
Now, I'll be danged if she hasn't brought another one of those cracker cats into the home. This one tells everyone she's Persian although it's more like persian, devon rex, and plain old house cat found in some forsaken ditch which pretty much amounts to a spoiled but insanely "friendly" fake that is so nosy as to alternate between staring at me with her nose 1/4 an inch from my own and smelling inside my ear whilst I attempt to choke down those cardboard and tuna flavored pebbles they call food to the tune of wet heavy breathing and "Oh oh, isn't that just soooo cute!"
Can't even get a good nap around here nowadays and you can just forget using the phone to call for help, if it's not hidden under a pillow so she doesn't have to "hear it ring" but doesn't want to unplug it and "miss a message", it's strategically placed in the middle of not one, not two, but THREE dishes of that sweet smelling potpourri that's really just there to distract. Makes me sneeze from smelling or gag from trying to eat it when I'm not compelled beyond my control to smack it around some as is ingrained into my psyche through generations of control and conditioning.

But... as long as she has a nice lap, lets me in when I meow, and the other humans around here continue to cling to that whole suppressive "dogs rule, cats drool" mentality, I guess I'll keep coming back home. Besides, that little white nut job ditch rat will grow up and provide some "entertainment" soon enough.!

(Loki's being scheduled for the lopping off of the "fuzzy dice" shortly after Christmas in no way has anything to do with his "status" or blog comments. Bwahahaha!)

Tyler D asks-

Has everyone seen Fahrenheit 1861?

No, but after meditating (glass of wine), viewing, and "meditating" some more I've a prediction. Many will post this link and many more will watch but not all will see. Some who see will say "Hmm", "Heh", "Exactly", "Indeed" and others will say "Nazis!", "Bu$hitler!", "Repuke!", "Repug!" and those who watch but do not see will say "WTF? That totally makes no sense. Oh yeah, Bu$shitler sucks! I'm rubber you're glue, whatever you say bounces offa me and sticks to you!"

Yay! That was I mean maniacally and eeeeevilly conservative.

Have a terrific weekend. :)

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