I'm Freakin' Out!

OP-ED by The Uber-Conservative
13 December 2005



Santa's watchin' you!






There I was painting bird houses and just minding my own business when the call came. Christmas is coming early in Uber-Land. I knew it would be early, like December 17th early, and I was totally cool with that because certain members of my extended family wish to celebrate Christmas with my grandmother (who now resides with me) and won't be able to make it on Christmas. Then they decided to just do it today, only letting me in on this secret yesterday (yay!), so I was up most of the night cooking and "Christmas cleaning" with much glee.

Christmas cleaning is way different than regular cleaning, btw. I'm not sure why but for some reason people must look under beds, in closets, cabinets and behind stoves in their quest for holiday cheer because this type of cleaning is extremely traditional in my family and I just can't seem to stop myself. Also my uncle (who is AF in case everyone doesn't already know) has a mean allergy to cats and I not only have 5 cats of my own, I just took 4 more stray kittens (they're so cute, photos soon...be teased!) in until homes can be found, so I walked around with a magnifying glass in search of that one cat hair I might have missed. Amazingly enough there wasn't much to be found as I've a little mild allergy going on myself and stay on that like white on rice.

So anywho, here I am with a shiny house, Christmas dinner in the works, going two pots of coffee and little sleep with less than 2 hours to look inviting, cheerful and full of Christmassygoodness. I've got to find the holiday spirit people! So far all I've found is 1/4 a bottle of wine and some dust bunnies hidden under my desk. It's too early for all that. Santa suits make me cheery but the new Santa suit has not yet arrived (the neighbor's dog slobbered on the hat of the one in teh uber-photo while running away with it- long story not going there...at least not today haha) and no amount of mascara and cinnamon lip gloss can hide the "Bah humbug, it's too early for this!" frame of mind. I shall have to delve into the special uber-conservative power of looking on the bright side.

*My sweet grammy is as happy as I've ever seen her. (that makes me sniff)

*I have a nice big family that I've not spent many holidays at all with because my parents moved around as much as I have since taking off on my own. I now have the opportunity to not only see these folks but spend almost but not quite Christmas with them. (hey that's pretty good, I impress me)

**They give really schweet presents. (now we're talkin!)

*They sneak around slipping grandma large sums of cash which she finds later, puts up somewhere "safe" and it's like a fun Easter egg hunt for months and months trying to help her find where she put it. (she spends it all on them anyhow and they know she will, the whole futile episode is amazing to watch)

*I found awesome heart shaped ornaments (I'm thinking it's a girl thing) for the Christmas tree and added them last night. That makes me really happy. (looks like in my hurry I may have put more stuff on the front than the back, I hope it doesn't fall over on someone but if it does I'll take & post a photo, as long as it's not me it falls on heh)

**They give really schweet presents (yay, presents!)


Ok, I feel better already.

Hooray!

As a side note, here's an awesome Christmas screensaver. My favorite ever! I tried watching it for the longest time to find "the cheer" and became car sick though so I don't suggest trying this at home kiddies. Messing with the settings and slowing the pace helps.

And remember...

Don't be naughteh cos Santa's watchin' you!