Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Are You a Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican?


How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me, and not my family? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint-and-weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.


Republican's Answer:



Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Child: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips I gave you for your birthday??"

Any more questions? :)


Dr. Phat Tony said...

You for got the sounds of a body being kicked after the bangs for southern Republican.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I guess I'm southern, even though I live in Ohiya!

Uber said...

LOL! Oh yeah...

Uber said...

CUG...not sure but I've got lotta family there...Sunbury area. I think migration practices have been influential...visiting Ohiya isn't much different than visiting SC other than the accents.

And the tea...ya'll gotta work on that tea ;)

Insolublog said...

The RINO Answer:

Decide to confer with the Democrat on their view of the situation, in the interest of bi-partisanship. As you formulate this idea, the perp. plunges the knife in your heart. The Democrat blames the Cops.

Uber said...

Insolu- Were that not so true it would be way funnier. Dangerous creatures.
Still funny though!

GunnNutt said...

Wonderful! For some reason, Zell Miller just popped into my head. No "spitballs" for us!